I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize