4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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