Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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