Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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