I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
