On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
