so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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