Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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