I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
