two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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