and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
