I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Couch. On fire.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
