you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
