apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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