she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
