You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
