I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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