Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
