Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize