He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
