Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
