weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Blood and glitter go together right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
