I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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