Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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