your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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