I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize