just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
