call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
