Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
