your room smells of hookers.
And success
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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