She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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