mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
