if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
