you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
