I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
