Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
