I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
