i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
