Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
