I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
