dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
