i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
