Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
