guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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