This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
