I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
