You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
