Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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