dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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