kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize