Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
