No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
