The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
