i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
