"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I touched a dick in church today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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