Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize