you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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